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I never heard from anyone back home the whole time I was gone. My family was very upset with me. I never knew till much later in life that my mother was going to adopt my child, but because my father left her again there was no chance of that. I don't think it would have been a good idea anyway. she had her hands full as it was. There really was no way she could do it alone. I wondered if anyone from back home ever thought about me, my friends, my boyfriend, my family? It was just me and my little bundle of joy. That's what he was and always would be.
It was a very special time for me, my first pregnancy and I felt great, although very large.
I loved this child growing inside of me, knowing that one day soon I would have to sign the paper to give him to someone else. It was a wretching feeling. When I walked the beach I would be at peace for some reason. I guess that was the place i felt closest to God and he was calming me. I think I knew before I had this child that we would somday be together, I certainly would never give up trying.

I often thought about keeping my child but knew in my heart that I couldnt give him the kind of life he deserved. Nor was I going to be the one who held him back. If someone was willing to love and care for him the way I couldn't at that time then so be it. I prayed allot that he would be safe and healthy and loved.